Monkey Bar Blues

Tessa, 

Second staff meeting today, marking the beginning of my second week.  Spent my morning cruising paperwork.  "Paper-Workin' It" I call it.  What's Dave doing?  He's not just workin' it, he's paper workin' it.  To reach this level, you must be able to fill out forms while returning emails while meeting people whose names you'll likely forget while listening to the radio and singing along.  Paper workin' it.

A perk of the new office is the big window, but a downside of the big window is that it overlooks a playground.  I spend a good portion of the day telling myself, "You're too old for those monkey bars, David."  While this is probably true, it doesn't stop the monkey bars from calling my name.  Plus, they have a little rock wall that I'm totally sure I could summit in less than a minute.  40 seconds probably.

Kids today have way better playgrounds than we did.  We had a vertical tower you could climb up, and then a swing set.  The tower had a chain-link ladder you climbed to reach the top, but if you slipped, the ladder became a net, and you had to wait for adults to get free.  And none of this soft rubber pellet stuff.  It was concrete an asphalt and broken glass to give the ground a nice sparkle.  The entire mess was then surrounded with barbed wire and intermittently peppered with mortar fire from rival elementary schools.  We wouldn't have known what to do with a climbing wall.  We would have probably just stared at it; toys like that are too nice to play on.

Staff meeting.  Then monkey bars, maybe, after everyone goes home.

I Heart You

Commuter Marriage

Tessa, 

Remember when we had that Courtship & Marriage class in college.  The professor listed off some variations on the typical we-live-together marriage, mentioning that "commuter marriages" were becoming more popular.  Two people, living in separate cities, leading separate lives, except for the small issue of their souls being bonded together for life in holy matrimony.  We rolled our eyes at the ridiculousness of it.  Now the world has thrust it upon us, and it still seems ridiculous.

This is my first letter to you from the Department Of Really Spiritual And Life-changing Fellowship INitiatives, alson known as D.O.R.S.A.L. F.IN.  It took me 3 days to make that acronym up.  You should have seen the ones that I rejected. As of right now, I'm the only member, which makes this a very secret group.  You can be in it if you want, maybe take notes at the meetings or something.

I delivered Meals On Wheels to some elderly, house-bound folks, earlier today.  Or, rather, I thought I delivered Meals On Wheels.  I caught a glimpse of the volunteer instructions as I was wrapping up the last delivery, and it turns out I was actually delivering Meals Via Wheels.  Now, I don't usually care about brand names, but I felt more than a little duped.  All this time I thought I was involving myself in a designer charity, only to find out later I was hood-winked into doing good deeds for a knock-off.

After that, I got taken out to lunch -- again -- and then received a very interesting lesson on how to properly format expense reports.  Turns out, anyone can format an expense report, but only a very small number of people have the wherewithal to do it properly.  I fear I am not in that very small number.  In time, they will all know this.  But for now I have decided to let people believe I am a smart and capable person.  I have a bet with myself to see whether this ruse can last as long as the vase of flowers on the window sill.

You are missed.

I Heart You.