Tessa,
Last night I was grilling, but the coals just wouldn't stay lit. I slid the burgers over and doused the stubborn little carbon lumps with more lighter fluid. No help, so I repeated the process until I ran out of fluid.
I waited. Still no heat. Fine, then, I'm going to the gas station to get some more lighter fluid and when I get back you briquettes are going to be reduced to burning rubble because the not-burning rubble you are right now is never gonna cook these burgers.
Hopped in the car, backed out of the driveway at a brisk, yet responsible, pace. Down the street, turn the corner. Flashing lights behind me. I'm being pulled over.
The worst part of being pulled over is the waiting. Usually you know exactly how fast you were going, the cop knows how fast you were going, but we're all going to sit in our cars and think about what we've done wrong. So I sit.
Speeding? No. Seat belt; haven't you seen all the PSAs lately? We made a special commercial to warn you, but in your infinite wisdom you used that commercial break to get more guacamole. Idiot. $105 spent, and I haven't even gotten to the gas station. $4 more for the lighter fluid, back in the car, buckling up this time so The Man can't keep me down, drive back home.
Hop out of the car, run over to the grill, open it up. Yup. The coals warmed up without me, then they used their keen sense of irony turn the burgers into charcoal briquettes. Like a Greek tragedy, my efforts to save dinner were the very thing that killed it. Oedipus burgers. If this square looks familiar, its because it's Square One, and we were here about 30 minutes ago.
