I know you're home sick today, so I bring to you Stories of the Dumb. Note: I mean "dumb" in the people-who-think-Joy-Bahar-deserves-an-Emmy sense of the word; not people who can't speak. The idea here is to remember that, no matter what challenges life throws us, we can always cling to the knowledge that we aren't as dumb as these folks. And if they're still breathing, there might be light at the end of the tunnel for us yet.
- In Montana, a woman was just arrested after she claimed Montana wasn't legally a state. Actually, she was arrested after she claimed Montana wasn't a state, then claimed the city of Missoula as her territory, and then invaded people's houses and made herself at home. Maybe the hormones made her do it, because -- Bonus! -- she's preggers.
- After being sued by a wheel-chair-bound patron, the city of Hudson, NY finally installed a drinking fountain that is handicap accessible. The fountain works great, but its on the 2nd floor of a building with no ramp or elevator.
- People angry with Arizona's new anti-illegal-immigration law have decided to use their collective power too...boycot AriZona Iced Teas. Naturally, the best way to punish elected officials is by punishing their favorite beverages. Problem is, AriZona the company is not even based in Arizona the state.
- A hermit in India is being studied by scientists because he claims to have gone without food or water for...wait for it...wait..for..it.... 70 years! Yup, the man claims he hasn't had a spoonful of vindaloo since he was ten. Even better, scientists are now starving him, just to see if he's lying. This puts the crazy hermit in the uncanny situation of being totally insane, and still remaining the smartest dude in the room.
Ok, that's all I got. I hope you feel better. Remember that nothing passes a sick day like Saltine crackers and a John Hughes marathon. That's according to a team of scientists in India, anyways.
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